The Power of Understanding Our Impact
“People will forget what you said, forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel” Maya Angelou
A leader I was working with recently had a break-through in our session. He realised that in his performance conversations with his team, the focus was all about task focused goals and whether the person behaving in line with company values. He left untouched the impact their behaviour was having.
Our impact, or how we affect others can make all the difference to whether people will be on board with us and trust us. For example, if I welcome you warmly the impact on you is likely to make you feel good and you’ll be happy to join in a conversation with me. On the other hand, if I don’t greet you and tut at everything you say, you may feel anxious, even annoyed and not be comfortable to join in. How I act and behave has an impact on how others feel and the climate I create. People will also make decisions about me and whether they want to work with me or not, so my reputation is also part of the impact I have.
Most of the time we are too busy to notice our impact and we remain blind to it because letting someone know how they are affecting us is not built into our everyday conversations. Becoming aware of how our behaviour and attitude has touched others, is often the missing ingredient to supporting people to grow and shift their behaviour. Why? Because realising how we are affecting others, positively or negatively can be a “light bulb” moment, that gives us a drive to do something about it. I recall a senior leader once who was requested by a junior colleague to adjust his how he was speaking to them, because he was intimidating her. He was completely taken aback as he had no idea that this was how he came across. This information although shocking to him at the time, caused him to really want to adjust his behaviour. After some reflection he reached out to the same colleague, gained more detailed feedback and found out what behaviours would work better. It had taken courage for his colleague to give him the feedback, but by appreciating how he could affect others, he positively changed his behaviour and also increased the trust through reaching out.
The example also shows that the real difference someone is making through their impact, is closely linked to how we are making people feel. I could be achieving all my goals, but if I’m a pain to work with and people don’t want to have to deal with me, then I’m not contributing to the overall success of the business.
The impact we have is sometimes a hard concept to grasp and therefore it’s easier to focus on the task rather than the quality with how we might be achieving the task. Yet helping those we lead understand and appreciate the impact they are having provides both potential for growth and the drive for someone to want to shift their behaviour or attitude
To ensure you are optimising opportunities to empower your team’s performance and potential for growth, discussing the impact they are having is invaluable to not only help build understanding around what they are doing well, but also to recognise how they are affecting overall success and how this could be even more greatly enhanced to the benefit for all including themselves.
To conclude, here are some useful questions to reflect on:
In understanding yourself as a leader:
How aware are you of the impact you have on others?
Is this something you would like to understand more about?
In leading and developing your team:
How are you approaching your people’s development on a day to day basis?
How impactful are your performance conversations?
Are you focusing only on achievement of tasks and goals?
Or do you help your people feel appreciated AND appreciate the impact they are having?