How ego-traps impact leader effectiveness
We all have an ego whether we like it or not. As a leader sometimes we need our ego as an enabling force that drives us to take a stand, set clear boundaries or ensure a sense of harmony around us. There are however times when our ego isn’t helpful and we get completely in our own way, impacting our effectiveness and also as leaders affecting our relationships and the atmosphere and culture around us.
Put simply, our ego is a set of survival strategies, based on our experiences commonly from our childhood where we have made unconscious decisions about ourselves, others and the world as a whole. Based on those decisions we react and behave in certain ways. In other words our ego is a well oiled defense machine, protecting us from social anxiety or perceived threats. I liken these survival strategies to Ego traps as its literally we fall into them as well honed behavioural patterns based on outdated beliefs and decisions. Habitual in nature, we get some kind of reward from them. Common pay-offs link to our emotions such as an inflated sense of esteem or avoidance of discomfort.
The things is, what worked for us in our childhood, may well not work for us as adults in the workplace and is often detrimental.
Overtly, our ego traps can demonstrate an over inflation or under inflation of our personal power and sense of importance. We can consciously or more often unconsciously use them as a means to cover up a more vulnerable sense of self underneath.
Over-inflated Under-inflated
Do it now! People Pleasing
Solo flight Never good enough
I’m alright, Jack Rescue me!
Blaming others Being cautious
Do it now! When this part of our ego kicks in, we need to sort everything out as quickly as possible. It’s linked to our impulsive drives and need for immediate gratification, is forceful and means we avoid having to think. If we’re taking action, we get a sense of reassurance from doing something, even though we might not have planned or prioritised it. This part of our self risks unfocused or even reckless action, wasting our personal resources, and it can lead to exhaustion. When caught in this ego trap, we inhibit our own and others’ thinking, limiting opportunity for learning and innovation.People around us may feel coerced and therefore won’t fully engage.
Solo flight. Those of us who are familiar with the ego trap of solo flight will place importance on self-reliance and will appear to others as consistently resilient and capable. Asking for help is unacceptable as we constantly strive to be the one who can sort it all out. If we’re caught in this trap, admitting vulnerability and that we need help will be excruciating. Putting on a show of constant strength can lead to burnout. Being invulnerable also impairs our ability to build mutually supportive relationships and create the psychological safety which is so important when creating open, honest, high-trusting organizational cultures where people can perform at their best.
I’m alright, Jack. Smugness dominates this ego trap.When we are caught up in it, we resist feedback, believing we are correct (and others are incorrect). We don’t see any good reason to change and are generally content with ourselves; it’s everyone else who has ‘issues’. The risk is that we don’t empathise with others, staying aloof, even superior, and indirectly communicating we don’t really care. This then creates disconnection and mistrust in relationships. Unfortunately, organisations can encourage this ego trap in their leaders. As a leader becomes more senior, the privileges given to them increase, for example the executive suite, their own PAs, which potentially can feed a sense of power and superiority. Lack of openness to feedback results in people being less likely to be fully open, creating a culture where leaders potentially act in increased isolation and with a lack of appreciation of what is really going on in their organisations.
Blaming others. When it’s too anxiety-provoking to accept our responsibility in something, we will point the finger and blame others. This can take place on an individual basis, eg blaming our partner for our unhappiness, or on a generalised – even global – scale, blaming a whole group for causing our problems, eg blaming our team for missing a target. In this trap, we don’t take responsibility. The person or people we’re blaming may be at fault, but other factors may also have contributed to the issue, eg lack of resources or poor delegation. What we risk with blaming others is not getting to the root cause of the problem so mistakes are repeated, creating a climate of fear where people feel anxious and avoid taking responsibility.
People pleasing. Many of us have been brought up to be polite and make sure everyone around us is kept happy. We get a sense of self-esteem by ensuring harmony, believing we’ve done something that has really supported and helped someone else. On the downside, we may find it excruciating or even paralysing to ask for our own needs to be met or to stand up to someone if we fear it will upset them. This ego trap risks communication being withheld and a lack of honesty, leading to misunderstandings and upsets.
Never good enough. No matter how well someone or a team or group has achieved something, we never feel satisfied and constantly strive to make it better, possibly to the point where we risk wasting our resources of energy, time, people and money. The more we seek perfection, the more it eludes us. Standards are important, but not at the cost of exhausting and demoralising ourselves or those we lead.
Rescue me! When caught in this ego trap, we may feel overwhelmed and helpless, wanting others to sort things out for us, rather than being responsible for ourselves and deciding how we need to proceed. This means we over-rely on others and seek external solutions rather than accessing our internal resources. The risk is that we potentially drain those around us. They may initially feel good about supporting us, but eventually they can feel used. For a leader, this way of being can be disconcerting to our teams and hinder a sense of clear purpose or direction.
Being cautious. When operating from the trap of being cautious, we hold a view that the world is unsafe, resulting in a lack of trust in others and the world generally. This serves to protect us and keep us safe, but being overly cautious leads to stagnation and inertia. We take too long to make decisions or make them at too high a level. This can undermine the motivation, confidence and potential of those we lead.
As all these traps show, while we need our ego, allowing our over or under inflated ego to dominate is not going to help us as a leader. We need to find ways to transcend our ego traps. Not doing so can result in us alienating others and sabotaging ourselves and the results we want to achieve. Knowing how we can trap ourselves gives us access to different choices as to how we respond.
Which of the ego traps resonates most strongly with you?
How might you be acting based on strategies you developed in your past? How well are these serving you now?
What would you like to change or modify?
You can find out more about how our ego impacts us as leaders and what to do about in my up and coming book, Ego – Get Over Yourself and Lead, due to be launched in mid June.